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COMMUNICATION: STYLES & METHODS



Cl: J. Benshoof 01/96

     


  • ASSERTIVE

    VERBAL:   STATEMENT OF WANTS, NEEDS, DESIRES, HONEST STATEMENT OF FEELINGS, OBJECTIVE WORDS, DIRECT STATEMENTS WHICH SAY WHAT YOU MEAN (I MESSAGE)   NON-VERBAL GENERAL:   ATTENTIVE, LISTENING, GENERALLY ASSURED MANNER, COMMUNICATION OF CARING AND STRENGTH NON-VERBAL SPECIFIC:   OPEN, FRANK, DIRECT EYE CONTACT, STRAIGHT ON   FEELINGS FROM THIS BEHAVIOR:   CONFIDENCE, SELF-RESPECT, FEELS GOOD ABOUT SELF AT THE TIME AND LATER   OUTCOME:   ACHIEVES GOALS BOTH LONG-TERM AND SHORT-TERM. IMPROVES SELF-CONFIDENCE, NEEDS ARE MET AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE FREE              

  • AGGRESSIVE

    VERBAL: LOADED WORDS, ACCUSATIONS, SUBJECTIVE TERMS, COMMANDING, DOMINANT, SUPERIOR WORDS; BLAME OR PUT-DOWN (YOU MESSAGE)   NON-VERBAL GENERAL: EXAGGERATED SHOW OF STRENGTH, FLIPPANT, SARCASTIC STYLE, AN AIR OF SUPERIORITY   NON-VERBAL SPECIFIC: VOICE IS TENSE, SHRILL, LOUD, SHAKY, COLD, "DEADLY QUIET", DEMANDING, AND AUTHORITARIAN. POSTURE IS STIFF AND RIGID   FEELINGS FROM THIS BEHAVIOR: ANGRY, THEN RIGHTEOUS, SUPERIOR, POSSIBLY GUILTY LATER   OUTCOME: ACHIEVES DESIRED GOAL BY HURTING, ALIENATING AND INTIMIDATING OTHERS                  

  • PASSIVE

    VERBAL: APOLOGETIC WORDS, HIDDEN MEANINGS, HEDGING, FAILURE TO COME TO THE POINT, DISCONNECTED, AT A LOSS FOR WORDS, FAILURE TO SAY WHAT YOU REALLY MEAN   NON-VERBAL GENERAL: ACTIONS INSTEAD OF WORDS, HOPING SOMEONE WILL GUESS WHAT YOU WANT, LOOKING AS IF YOU DON'T MEAN WHAT YOU SAY   NON-VERBAL SPECIFIC: VOICE IS WEAK, HESITANT, SOFT, SOMETIMES WAVERING. EYES ARE AVERTED DOWNCAST, TEARY, PLEADING. POSTURE IS STOOPED; THERE IS EXCESSIVE HEAD NODDING AND TILTING. HANDS ARE FIDGETY, FLUTTERY AND CLAMMY.   FEELINGS FROM THIS BEHAVIOR: HURT, ANXIOUS, DISAPPOINTED IN SELF AT THE TIME AND POSSIBLY LATER   OUTCOME: DOES NOT ACHIEVE DESIRED GOAL, DOES NOT GET NEEDS MET, ACCUMULATES ANGER, AND FEELS NON-VALUED