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SELF-ESTEEM



Self-esteem is simply an attitude we feel about ourselves and we choose that attitude. The pillars of self-esteem are:
    • self-confidence
    • faith in oneself,
    • a positive self-image,
    • freedom from fear of both success and failure.
Individuals with secure self-esteem:
    • take responsibility for their actions,
    • insist on living up to their own standards,
    • seek the stimulation of demanding goals,
Confidence grows from solid feelings of self-acceptance. Self-assured people are content to be themselves. What we believe to be possible influences our hopes, aspirations, actions, and the outcome of our plans. Those convinced they have limits do not strive, while others constantly challenge their beliefs about their limitations. Confident people act while self-doubters agonize. Confident people welcome challenges and changes, they delight in overcoming difficulties, and even manage to transform problems into challenges. Those who lack confidence let their fears stand between them and their ambitions. They resist change because it threatens their sense of security. Self-faith gives people the power to survive serious disappointments and defeat. What makes us who we are is our own unique way of how we perceive ourselves, the things around us, and the world itself. Other people see a reflection of how you see yourself. If you feel good about yourself, others will be more likely to respond to you positively.

Darrel Christenson M. S. 1998

Ways of Building self-esteem:

The process of building self-esteem can be learned and needs to be practiced.
  • Eliminate "self-killer" phrases.
  • Rid yourself of self-limiting attitudes.
  • Don't use negative self-suggestions.
  • Learn new techniques of dealing with disappointments.
  • Mimic the way people with high self-esteem behave.
  • Be persistent.
  • Become your own best friend.

SELF-ESTEEM/ SELF-IMAGE

1. Write down 1 or 2 things you do well. _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________  

2. Write down 1 or 2 things you do not do well. ____________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________    

3. Describe yourself in 1 or two words. ___________________________________        

4. Write down 1 or 2 words you think other people use to describe you. _____________________________________________________________

5. List one thing you have done in the last couple of months that made you feel good about yourself. _____________________________________________________

6. List one value you have. ____________________________________________________________________

7. What do you like about yourself? ______________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________

8. Look at the values listed below. Which are the most important to you? Put number 1 - 7 before them; 1 being the most important, 7 the least.

______ Earning a lot of money

______ Helping other people

______ Raising a family

______ Having good health

______ Having a lot of friends

______ Being a religious person

______ Being proud of your life    

SELF-ESTEEM BUILDERS

If you do not have good self-esteem, you can build it. WAYS TO BUILD SELF-ESTEEM;

  • Display your favorite works of art, crafts, and hobbies. Pull out things you have made, trophies you have won, and certificates you have received.
  • Brag a little. When you do something good, tell close family members and friends about it.
  • Play your favorite records, songs. If you play music, invite friends to hear you play. If you like to dance, go to more dances.
  • Put up encouraging little notes for yourself, like, "Today I will feel good about myself", on your wall.
  • Look in the mirror and tell yourself good things about yourself .
  • Read motivational poems and readings
  • Do good things for yourself, and give yourself little presents. **Taking a bubble bath or going for a walk.
  • Ask yourself what kind of nice things you would do for a friend, then do them for yourself.
  • Hang up cards you have received from friends, or presents friends have given you. In this way you will remind yourself that you have friends that like you a lot because you are a nice person.
  • Write a list of all the good things you do and keep it in your wallet.
  • Dress nice.
  • Live each day to the fullest. Get the most from each hour, each day and each age of your life. Then you can look forward with confidence and back without regrets...
  • Be yourself, but be your best self. Dare to be different and to follow your own star.
  • And don’t be afraid to be happy. Enjoy what is beautiful. Love with all your heart and soul. Believe that those you love love you.
  • Forget what you have done for your friends; remember what they have done for you.
  • Disregard what the world owes you, and concentrate on what you owe the world.
  • When you are faced with a decision, make that decision as wisely as possible, and then forget it. The moment of absolute certainty never arrives.
  • And, above all, remember that God helps those who helps themselves. Act as if everything depends on you, and pray as if everything depends on God.

MY DECLARATION OF SELF-ESTEEM: I AM ME

In the entire world there is no one exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because alone I choose it. I own everything about me-- my body, my feeling, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, and my fears. I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By doing so, I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know, but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me. However, I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later, some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discard. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me and I am okay.

  WHO ARE YOU Answer ten times below, using a noun each time to describe who you are:

1. I am ____________________________________

2. I am ____________________________________

3. I am ____________________________________

4. I am ____________________________________

5. I am ____________________________________

6. I am ____________________________________

7. I am ____________________________________

8. I am ____________________________________

9. I am ____________________________________ 1

10. I am ___________________________________

Worksheet

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

This is all about: Helping you understand your emotional reactions to different situations. What you will do: 1. Complete the open-ended sentences below. 2. As a class, discuss the two questions at the bottom of the page. Sentences to complete:

1. When I’m proud of myself, I ___________________________________________

2. I love _____________________________________________________________

3. I am afraid of _______________________________________________________

4. I’m embarrassed when ________________________________________________

5. I hate ______________________________________________________________

6. I want to be _________________________________________________________

7. I am happiest when ___________________________________________________

8. I am worried about ___________________________________________________

9. In my free time, I’d like to ______________________________________________

10. Someone who means the most to me is __________________________________

11. In school, I do best when _____________________________________________

12. I need to work harder in ______________________________________________      

Questions:   1. What did you find out about yourself?     2. What do you need to do more of to feel good about yourself?        

ABOUT YOU

  • YOU WILL RECEIVE A BODY You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around
  • YOU WILL LEARN LESSONS You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant or stupid.
  • THERE ARE NO MISTAKES, ONLY LESSONS Growth is a process of trial and error: experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works".
  • A LESSON IS REPEATED UNTIL LEARNED A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go to the next lesson.
  • LEARNING LESSONS DOES NOT END There is no part of life that does not contain its lesson. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
  • "THERE " IS NO BETTER THAN "HERE" When your "there" has become a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here"
  • OTHERS ARE MERELY MIRRORS OF YOU You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate in yourself.
  • WHAT YOU MAKE OF YOUR LIFE IS UP TO YOU You have all the tools and resources that you need, what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
  • YOUR ANSWERS LIE INSIDE YOU The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
DIS-IDENTIFICATION AND SELF-IDENTIFICATION For a moment now, turn your attention to yourself in this room. Get in touch with your body... Get in touch with your feelings, your mood... Get in touch with your mind, your thoughts. Now get in touch with the observer that notices the body sensations, the feelings and thoughts. As the observer, think of this:  
  • "I have a body but I am not my body". My body may find itself in different conditions of health or sickness. It may be rested or tired, but that has nothing to do with my self, my real "I" .My body is constantly changing; it started out as a baby and grew continuously, and will continue to change, become stronger or weaker, skilled in some new things, and gradually grow old. I value my body as my precious instrument of experience and of action in the outer world, but it is only an instrument. I treat it well, I try to keep it strong and healthy, but it is not myself. I have a body, but I am not my body."
 
  • "I have emotions, but I am not my emotions. My emotions are countless, contradictory, changing. They may swing from love to hatred, from calm to anger, from joy to sorrow, and yet my essence-- my true nature-- has not changed. ‘I’ remain. Though a wave of anger may try to submerge me, I know that it will pass in time; therefore, I am not this anger. Since I can observe, and understand my emotions, and then gradually learn to direct, use, and integrate harmoniously, it is clear that they are not my self. I have emotions, but I am not my emotions."
   
  • "I have a mind, but I am not my mind. My mind is a valuable tool of discovery and expression, yet it is not the essence of my being. It’s contents are constantly changing, it gains new ideas, new knowledge and experience. It can think something falsely and then find out the truth and think something entirely different. Sometimes it refuses to obey me; therefore it cannot be me, myself. It is an organ of knowledge in regard to both the outside world and my inner world, but it is not myself. I have a mind, but I am not my mind."
 
  • I have pain and pleasure but I am not my pain and pleasure. My pain and pleasure are always changing. Sometimes the pain really hurts badly; sometimes it lets up, and sometimes I feel really good. Sometimes my pleasure is really intense and then it lets up and fades away. Therefore, I cannot be my pain or pleasure. I have pain and pleasure, but I am not my pain and pleasure."
 
  • "I have thoughts, but I am not my thoughts. Sometimes my thoughts are pleasant or happy. Sometimes they are sad or confused. My thoughts change and I watch them change. I have thoughts, but I am not my thoughts. Sometimes my thoughts are argumentative and I let myself have an argument. But I am not these things. These are some things that I have or do. I see myself having or doing them. Therefore I cannot be them. I have thoughts but I am not my thoughts."
       
  • "I have desires but I am not my desires. My desires are often changeable and contradictory, with alternations of attraction and repulsion; therefore they are not myself. When I am hungry, I desire food, but when I am filled I do not. I have desires, but I am not my desires."
         
  • "I have roles to play, but I am not my roles. I engage in various activities and play many roles in life. I must play these roles, and so I willingly play them as well as possible, be it the role of son or father, husband or student, worker or prisoner. But I am more than these roles. These are roles, specific but partial roles, which I myself am playing, must play, agree to play, and can watch and observe myself playing. Therefore I am not any of them. I am self-identified, and I am not only the actor, but the director of the acting."
 
  • "Who am I then? What remains after having dis-identified myself from my body, my sensations, my feelings, my desires, my mind and my actions?
 
  • It is the essence of my self-- a center of pure self-consciousness, of self-realization.
    •
  • It is the permanent factor in the ever-varying flow of my personal life. It is that which gives me a sense of being, of permanence, of inner balance. It is the center that lets me know who I am, in the midst of all the flurry of external events, when I remember myself. Take a moment right now to identify with this center, to realize its self-consciousness, its permanence, its energy.
  • Now I recognize and affirm myself as the center of pure self-awareness and creative dynamic energy. I recognize that from the center of true identity I can learn to observe, direct, and harmonize all the psychological processes and the physical body. I will be able to remember this experience, to remember myself in the midst of my everyday life, and use this awareness to help me and to give me increasing meaning and direction in my life."